Johanna Canady - Doula Services for international families
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Welcome
About me
Birth Doula support
Classes
Testimonials
Blog
Contact
Johanna Canady - Doula Services for international families
  • Welcome
  • About me
  • Birth Doula support
  • Classes
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • Contact
Doulawork, Personal development

On being a feminist

September 23, 2020 by Johanna Canady No Comments

Since when is being feminist a bad thing? That’s what I asked myself when I first made an instagram account…

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New: Video childbirth and postpartum class for international families in Germany

Picture by doulaheart

The class is designed for international families who do not have access to in person classes to help them navigate the German birth world. I will talk about many relevant aspects regarding pregnancy, childbirth and the first months postpartum. Furthermore, I will provide evidence-based information, as well as best pratice examples and personal anecdotes. The aim of this class is to empower you during your new parenthood journey.

You can book the class through podia.

 

doulajohanna

Doula | Germany | CB classes
It is really hard to wrap my head around the fact It is really hard to wrap my head around the fact that I will get to hold a real baby again soon. Not a plastic one and not a baby I get to hold for a couple of minutes during a postpartum visit, but my baby. It feels totally surreal.

Most of the time the predominant feeling is gratitude. At other times I feel anxious. How will the arrival of this child change my life? How will it affect my older children, my marriage, my work? How will it change me?

And then I think of the last two times we became parents. How our daughters enriched our world. They were and still are my teachers making all the areas I need to work on really obvious, showing me what it means to be authentic.

I am so thankful that, on top of the babymoon with my husband, I also got to spend one special day with each of my children last week. Just following their lead felt so lovely. Not needing to go or be anywhere than in the moment with them. I felt honored that they would share their thoughts with me, their dreams and also their worries. 

There is this Maya Angelou quote I really love: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." 

I have a ton of regrets when I think about the many "mistakes" I made with my children, especially in the first years of parenting. And then I am just grateful for the people, the books, the podcasts that helped me find new ways and do better. Not only for my kids but for myself. Which ends up being the same thing, right? When we feel fulfilled as people, we are also happier mothers and more affectionate partners.

My self-talk is still far from loving on many occasion (for example after almost setting my dear friends' house on fire), but it is better than it has ever been. And every time I look at my children or my big belly, I feel propelled to really love myself better every day. One tiny step at a time.

Picture by @doulaheart 

#onestepatatime #thirdchild #doulalove #gratitude #pregnantingermany #birthmatters #childbirthinternational #internationaldoula #mayaangelou #childbirthclass #fulfilledwomen #39weeks
I did it!!!!!!!!! I just pushed the "Publish" butt I did it!!!!!!!!! I just pushed the "Publish" button on my online video childbirth and postpartum course for international families in Germany. 🥳🤩😇⁠
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My whole body is trembling from excitement and exhaustion. I do not think I would have taken this project on this late in my pregnancy if I would have understood the magnitude of it 🙃⁠
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I recorded, cut and edited 144 little clips which adds up to more than 8 hours of video content about pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period. I covered all the topics I also cover during my live childbirth classes, answered the most frequently asked questions and added checklists, visuals and links to a plethora of ressources.⁠

Is it perfect? No. Did I give it my all? 100%!
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In February, I thought that the recording part would be the hardest, but after creating 144 thumbnails for the videos I am not so sure anymore 😄⁠
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I am just so so happy that this is done. I can focus on my own upcoming birth now, knowing that parents who want my input and guidance have access to my class now, even if I will be busy breastfeeding 😊⁠
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I am so thankful for all the people who supported me during this journey. I am so grateful to my husband who took care of our children while I was totally absorbed with my work, to @douladarby who got me into teaching childbirth classes in the first place, to all the families that came to my classes and broadened my horizons with their stories and their questions and my beautiful friends who encouraged and believed in me. #VCforever ⁠
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I am also very thankful to @impacthubmunich, @nichole_joy__ and @lawofattractionchangedmylife who all played an important part in the genesis of this project.⁠
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As mother's day is approaching (in Germany it's on the 8th of May this year) as quickly as my due date, I offer all interested parents a 20% discount until then. The coupon code is: MOTHERSDAY22⁠
You find the link to my course in my bio 💖⁠
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#theonething #itisdone #podia #childbirthandpostpartumclass #expatsingermany #doulalove #gratitude #pregnantingermany #birthmatters #childbirthinternational  #internationaldoula #schwangerinmünchen #childbirthclass #pregnantin2022 #mothersday #ididit
The last months have been such a whirlwind that I The last months have been such a whirlwind that I cannot wait to finally catch a breath and really let the reality of my upcoming birth sink in. Some of you asked me if I managed to do all the things I professed doing if I were to have another child. The answer is yes and no.⁠
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I was lucky enough to engage the same midwife that was also there for the homebirth of my second daughter. It was such an emotional moment for me when she walked in the door for our first prenatal and my 4 year old felt immediately drawn to her. Having my family around me for most of the check-ups felt like a true blessing and my heart was bleeding again for all the mothers who had to go through nerve-wrecking check-ups on their own over the last two years.⁠
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Also, I did start bellydancing with @wiebketanzt_muenchen, which keeps being a real treat. After every class my body feels stronger and smoother at the same time. The swaying movements feel familiar and intuitive for birth and I am curious to see which ones will make it to my birth experience.⁠
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My partner and I had the most beautiful babymoon in Garmisch last week and that felt like heaven. Being in this beautiful scenery, walking through nature, laughing, eating and resting together - it was more than I could have ever imagined. We did our homework and decided on names and we just enjoyed each other's company and felt overwhelming gratitude for the bond that we share.⁠
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I did not however move my body as much as I would have needed, I didn't eat as well as I hoped and first and foremost, I didn't pay this pregnancy a whole lot of attention. As I was still supporting births until March and tought classes until Easter, my focus was more on other people's journey than on my own.

continued in the comments
Not a day goes by that doesn't leave me feel torn Not a day goes by that doesn't leave me feel torn between all the things I would like to do. Between my family, my work, my personal needs, my relationships and everyday admin and chores there never seem to be enough hours in the day. 

Throw in late pregnancy and 14 days of quarantine and you can tell what March looked like in our house. 

I felt so frustrated about the forced break, as I had just finished recording my video class. There was the pressure to get to the editing part as the due date of our third baby seemed to be approaching at light speed.

And then I let go, realising that getting healthy and making it through two weeks of isolating at home with two very energetic children, had to be my top priority. What helped keeping me sane, was the book we read with @francescaamber 's book club that particular month: The One Thing by Gary Keller.

It resonated with me on so many levels and once April came around and we were all helathy and free again, I was eager to implement the lessons that sticked with me the most.

The author suggests that the way to get the most out of your work and your life is to go as small as possible. What is your one thing you want to achieve today/ this week/ this month or this year. Keller asserts that our work life is divided into two distinct areas – what matters most and everything else. And until your one thing is done, everything else is a distraction. For me it felt so freeing to boil it down to just one thing a day that was my priority instead of attending to everything, and not finishing anything.

However, "work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls– family, health, friends, integrity– are made of glass."

So when I got my notebook out to plan for April, I marked all the days I wanted to take off work first. I planned for time with my children, my husband, me time and time with friends. It felt so good to see all those islands of connection and recreation distributed all over the month.
I cannot believe that I made it through this week. I cannot believe that I made it through this week. It was for sure one of the most challenging weeks I had in a long time. While the world is in turmoil again, I buried myself in work.⁠
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I took the week off to finally record a video version of my childbirth and postpartum class which I wanted to do for almost a year. There were so many things holding me back.⁠
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I just get awkward when a camera is directed at me. I didn't know how to do the lighting or what microphone to use. I had no idea how to make enough space in my appartment to set up an amateur recording studio while my children were running around. I didn't even know how to properly put on make up or what to wear 😄 First and foremost I didn't believe that I would find the energy and the discipline inside myself to see that project through.⁠
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The only thing I knew is what I wanted to say, what I want the parents who come to me to take away from my classes. And I knew that I had a deadline. I am 29 weeks pregnant today and I feel my body getting heavier and slower by the day. ⁠
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The week started rough with my daughter not being able to go to daycare on Monday. A doctor's appointment that stole half my morning on Tuesday. On Wednesday the last mother I was supporting informed me that her waters broke. Thursday I got to be there for the birth of her precious son. The birth was beautiful, but afterwards there were scary complications that left their mark on my spirit. Then I experienced really intense challenges in personal relationships and there were moments in which I didn't believe I could finish what I started.⁠
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continued in comments below
The Magical To-Do-List is another exercise I wante The Magical To-Do-List is another exercise I wanted to share after doing the Magic, as I enjoyed it so much. 
On day 18, you basically write down a list of things you wish somebody else would do or solve for you and then lean on gratitude even more to help you with those things.

It can be anything from mundane tasks to "I need my day to have 35 hours". You won't know how it will happen or how those things will be done for you. Your only job is to be as grateful as you can be for what you want done, as though it were done already. 

My list had a lot of things that have to do with work. First of all my laptop microphone stopped working about a week before. I literally tried everything, watched 100 youtube tutorials, got really intimate with all the different settings, installed new drivers and so on. Nothing worked and I was about to loose my mind every time I had to enter a zoom meeting with two devices so people could hear me. Admittedly, a tiny first world problem, that did cost me a lot of time and nerves though. So, it ended up being the first thing on my magical to do list. 

And guess what. The next time I entered a meeting and was about to signal my conversation partners that I need another minute so I can also join with my phone, they laughed and told me: We can hear you very clearly. 😃

I was stunned and just so glad. I don't know how it happened, and I didn't care. I was just so thankful that I could make myself heard again 😇

The next things on my list were 
◾ finding an easy bookkeeping tool 
◾ getting at least for couples for my March/April childbirth class
◾ record my video childbirth and postpartum class

Two days later, a dear friend suggested wave for bookkeeping and I love it. It makes my life so much easier. 💖

And another week later I had six couples registering for my Spring class, which makes me so happy 🥰 I am so sad to take a break from in person classes for a while when the baby comes, so it fills my heart with lots of joy to know that I get to support at least six more families in March/April. 

#gratitude #magicaltodolist #themagic #doulalove #help #bookkeeping #childbirthclass #expatsinmunich #pregnantinmunich #munichbabies2022
Once I was able to walk again I had way less time Once I was able to walk again I had way less time for social media. I did finish the Magic however and it was glorious. 

Some of the practices I will keep using regularly are "Heal your relationships", "The Magical to do list" and "The Magical air that you breathe".

On day 15, the prompt was to think of a relationship that is difficult or problematic for you. If the person is still in your life or even still alive, does not matter for the practice. The only thing that counts is that you perceive the relationship as emotionally trying. And then sit down and make a written list of ten things you're grateful for about the person you've chosen. 

Rhonda Byrne claims that by holding on to bad feelings about a person, you are only hurting your own life and that gratitude will transform your emotional pain into healing faster than anything else.

I first chose a close family member who decided to cut ties with me, my husband and my children seven months ago. They don't even know that I am pregnant yet.

At first, I found it really hard to come up with ten things to be grateful for as the only things I could feel were sadness, disappointment and anger. Once I started to dig deeper though, more and more happy memories came to the surface. Also, I relaized that without that person my husband wouldn't even exist and he wouldn't be the person he is today which allowed me to instantly feel tons of gratitude. 

After finishing the practice, I felt really calm. I am still not happy about the situation, but I it doesn't slowly burn through my skin anymore. 

I plan on continuing using this exercise for my personal life and also when supporting families. So many of the parents I support have toxic relationships in their lives that make it hard for them to enjoy their pregnancy or their postpartum period. I am sure that writing gratitude lists for those difficult people could help the parents to alleviate the discomfort they feel  and set boundaries with more ease.

What do you think? Do you think this practice could work for you?

#gratitude #themagic #healyourrelationships #doulalove #mindsetshift #childbirthclass #pregnantinmunich #family #transformation #bcb #vcforever
Being tied to my bed, came with the advantage that Being tied to my bed, came with the advantage that I had a lot of time for my gratitude practices.⁠
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Day 9 was about being grateful for the bills you pay. That has definitely never occured to me before. 😀 It made sense though. Rhonda Byrne put it like that: ⁠
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"To have a rich life, you must be grateful for everything you do with money, and begrudging your bills is not being grateful. You must do the exact opposite, which is to be grateful for the goods and services you've received from those who billed you."⁠
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The exercise she suggests is looking at 10 current bills and write on them "Thank you - paid."⁠
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I looked at the last 10 bills (I automatically paid online) and it was true. It was all great stuff. My life coach, delicious groceries, amazing books from @prof_amybrown, the train ticket to see my friend, our rent, the fee for The Mothers' Moon Collective by @thewildrootbirth. ⁠
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It truly hit me, that instead of complaining, I had so many reasons to really be thankful. My mind was blown by this practice. And it made me hope that the parents who book me feel similar when paying me for my services.⁠
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Day 10 was about giving thanks to people who provide services for us directly or indirectly, like cashiers and mailmen.⁠
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As I didn't leave the house I made a list of ten people who provide services to me and emailed or texted them. The list went from my boss, to @wiebketanz_muenchen my amazing belly dance teacher, my midwife, my children's teachers, my accountant, my mentor and so on. It felt great to really acknowledge how they all make my life better in different ways and to send them "Magic Dust".⁠
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#gratitude #thankfulformybills #thankyouformakingmylifebetter #doulalove #bellydance #peoplewhopaypayattention #themagic #magicdust #moneymagnet #thingsyoudowhenbedridden
The Magic Ingredient ⁠ ⁠ Day 8 of The Magic wa The Magic Ingredient ⁠
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Day 8 of The Magic was all about being greatful for our food. Giving thanks for everything you eat and drink that day. ⁠
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Cooking and eating does always have a very special place in my life. My husband and I are both good cooks, so we are very lucky in that regard. We do thank each other for cooking and express our enthusiasm about how tasty meals are on a regular basis.⁠
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But in my everyday life, I do not pause to give thanks for my food. I think about the crispiness of my tofu and the potential iron content of my smoothie (especially while pregnant). But I don't think about how lucky I am to have all those amazing options and how many people worked really hard to make that happen for me.⁠
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I talk about nutrition a lot in my childbirth classes, I encourage parents to eat the rainbow every day and to really treat themselves to high quality whole foods, so mother and baby can thrive. I encourage them to eat lots of dates during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period as they are so nutrient and energy rich. But I forget about how priviledged I am that I can afford to eat like that.⁠
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So day 8, was really eye-opening to me. I couldn't move because of my injured feet and I spent the morning at the doctor's and the rest of the day in bed. Focusing on this deep gratitude for food and water really made the day more magical. 💖⁠
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#gratitude #foodismedicine #foodislife #themagic #themagicday8 #veganpregnancy #thankyouformyfood #pregnantinmunich #doulalove #childbirthclass #waterislife #datesforpregnancy #eatmoredates
Day 7 - The Magical Way Out of Negativity⁠ ⁠ T Day 7 - The Magical Way Out of Negativity⁠
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The exercise on Day 7 is all about showing gratitude in the midst of a difficult situation. ⁠
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Rhonda Byrne, The Magic's author quotes Buddha on this: ⁠
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't lear a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so let us all be thankful."⁠
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She encourages her readers to take one problem in their lives that they most want to resolve and look for ten things to be grateful for.⁠
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For me, the problem was feeling powerless and stuck with the current politics around Corona. I felt a lot of resistance around writing down things I feel grateful about in this situation. Once I started writing however, I almost couldn't stopped. I felt this huge wave of gratitude for the precious friendships I have with people who love me for everything I am. For the fact that we invested so much more in our appartment over the last two years and made it so much cozier. For my marriage that blossomed as we were each others rocks. For my jobs. My children. My health and so on. It felt great.⁠
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And then, on that same day, I missed a step in my friends house and took a pretty bad fall. I managed to protect my pregnant belly. However, I injured both of my feet. I still cannot walk, I had to cancel my childbirth class and a postpartum visit. ⁠
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My guess is, that before my intense gratitude practices I would have been pretty upset and really mad at myself. ⁠
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Thanks to the practice, I was able to shift my focus to all the things I could be grateful for in this particular situation. That my friends took such good care of me. That nothing happened to the baby. That  I have a dad who will still come and pick me up from my friend's house even though I am 38 🙃 That my husband is the most caring and patient nurse in the world. That he has a slow week at work and therefore enough time to take care of the kids and the kitchen. That I don't have to fear for my job. That my kids keep me company and make wise comments about this being a great dress rehearsal for when the baby comes 🥰⁠
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continued in comments
Another Magic post 🙂 Day 6 was all about gratit Another Magic post 🙂 Day 6 was all about gratitude for your work. And it was the day I was called to a really magical birth. How fitting. ⁠
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Taking public transport quite early in the morning on Three Kings Day with almost no one around made me feel beautifully solemn. I used the train ride for writing my ten blessings. The first one was being so grateful for being invited to such a sacred event.⁠
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Upon arriving, things progressed really quickly. The mother was so strong and dealt with her incredibly intense contractions with so much power. She was already in transition when I arrived and watching her create life before my eyes touched me so deeply.⁠
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In this moment I was just there for her. During some contractions she would look directly into my eyes with such a fierce energy that I am still getting goose bumps thinking about it. I think she was stunned by her own strength in a way. She looked like a goddess. I was in total awe of her.⁠
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Shortly after me the birth photographer @soniaepplefotografie arrived and only 9 minutes before the baby emerged the midwife entered the room. Everything fell into place and a beautiful baby boy was born into the hands of this wise woman.⁠
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We spend another six hours together. The placenta was released safely. There were some little road blocks with baby's temperature and I got to witness with how much sensitivity, time and compassion the midwife cared for mother and baby. It was beautiful and I learned so much. When I left, the parents were snuggled up in bed with their newborn child.⁠
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continued in the comments⁠
The Magic keeps inspiring me, so I will keep shari The Magic keeps inspiring me, so I will keep sharing.

Day 3 is all about magical relationships. In addition to the morning and evening practice, day 3 invites you to pick three people that are close to you and to write down all the reasons why you are grateful for them. I loved @Francescaamber 's suggestion to share your notes with those people. 

Day 4 was all about health. Taking a couple of minutes to thank your limbs, your senses, your organs and your brain for their service and be truly grateful for your health. The quote of day 4 is: The gift of health is keeping me alive 💖

Today is day 5 for me: Magic Money day 😃 The chapter asks you to think of all the times you received money throughout your life. How you had food, clothes and toys when you were a child at no charge. Rhonda says: Be grateful for every single instance and memory, because when you feel sincere gratitude for the money you've received in the past, your money will magically increase in the future!

This hit home with me. Thinking of the past I was often focused on things I didn’t have or that I lost. I often worry about money and do not show gratitude for the money I do have. I pledged to myself to change that from here on out.  From now on I will let myself feel truly grateful for any money I receive and for the abundance of money I already have received throughout my life.

The exercise for day 5 is to write "Thank you for all the money I received throughout my life" on a sticker and put that sticker on a banknote. Then put that banknote where you will see it at least twice that day and find a place for it where you will keep seeing it in the future. 

It really made me realize how many terrible beliefs I have about money; how money is something serious that you cannot possibly put a sticker on. 🙈😄 It felt so good to overcome this with such a small playful gesture.

I am so signing up for @francescaamber 's money mindset course later this month @lawofattractionchangedmylife 💖

What is your relationship with money? 

#gratitude #themagicday5 #magicmoney #moneymindset #thankyouforallthemoneyihavereceivedthroughoutmylife #themagicday4 #thegiftofhealthiskeepingmealive #dothework
Thanks to the inspiring @Francescaamber and her bo Thanks to the inspiring @Francescaamber and her book club @lawofattractionchangedmylife, I started this year by doing The Magic, a 28 day gratitude practice created by Rhonda Byrne. ⁠
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It is only day 5 and I am already totally hooked 🥰⁠
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Every morning begins with writing down 10 things I am grateful for and the reason why I am grateful for them. This will amount to 280 reasons to be thankful for by January 28 🤩I can already tell that my mind is super focused on identifying more memories and current incidents to be grateful for. ⁠
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In the last months I spent a lot of time and energy on worrying. Sure, I often feel gratitude for my health, my family, my doula work and my friends. I didn't have a regular practice though.⁠
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After only 5 days of The Magic, I feel almost overwhelmed by all the blessings I received throughout my life and in my current situation, which is why I want to share this experience with you. My mom has already joined me. 🙃⁠
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Day 1 was an introduction of the morning practice. Once you have your list of 10 things you're grateful for, read it out aloud and say "thank you, thank you, thank you" after each item.⁠
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Day 2 encourages you to find a gratitude stone, that you place next to your bed. Before you go to sleep, you take the stone in your hand and say thank you for the incident that  made you feel most grateful that day. Thereby you start and end your day with gratitude.⁠
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Let me tell you, it feels lovely ❤️ Also, I feel like there is nothing more nourishing I could give the growing baby in my belly then all of those feeling of immense thankfulness. Pregnant or not, I want to encourage you to join me in this adventure and share your experiences. I am so ready for the Magic infusing my life and will keep you posted 🥰⁠
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#gratitude #themagic #lawofattractionchangedmylife #yonieggsmakeamazinggratitudestones #280blessings #pregnantinmunich #doulalove
I treated myself to a New Year Goal planning works I treated myself to a New Year Goal planning workshop with Francesca Amber today. One of the first exercises was listing all the things we were grateful for in 2021 in the following 10 categories:⁠
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1) Job and career⁠
2) Money and finances⁠
3) Health and physical body⁠
4) Family and friends⁠
5) Personal development, spirituality and growths⁠
6) Physical environment⁠
7) Relationship and romance⁠
8) Fun and recreation⁠
9) Posessions⁠
10) New habits⁠
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Subsequently, we would write down what was shit in those categories. And finally, we would wite down our goals in those categories for 2022. Let me tell you: it was heartbreaking, uncomfortable and exhausting, but most of all it was great. ⁠
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I want to share some of my notes. ⁠
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5 things I am truly greatful for in 2021:⁠
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having a partner who is as committed to working on our relationship as I am ⁠
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opening my heart for another baby and experiencing the excitement of the older siblings⁠
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supporting more families than ever before⁠
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getting a wonderful cleaning lady⁠
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investing in new furniture and making our appartment more beautiful⁠
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5 things that were shit in 2021:⁠
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Being anxious about money so much and therefore often feeling poor⁠
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Experiencing the division of society regarding corona and the vax within my own family⁠
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not seeing some really close friends (or their babies) a single time this year⁠
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wasting way too much time scrolling through social media⁠
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Not speaking my truth way too often⁠
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First, I felt a lot of resistance towards writing down the dark moments. And then I realized how much I learned from them. It felt easy to make peace with 2021 and shift my focus to the next chapter.⁠
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continued in the comments⁠
There is an oldfashioned expression in German for There is an oldfashioned expression in German for being pregnant. It goes: "ein Kind unter dem Herzen tragen". Carrying a child underneath your heart.

I always loved this expression. It is often used when talking about Mary being pregnant with baby Jesus, so I stumble about it more often this time of year.

This year I perceive it as even more special, as this year I am also carrying a baby underneath my heart again. I am pregnant with my third child and it gives me all the feelings. 

There is so much gratitude and also so much concern. I really get to put to the test everything I talk about when sitting with my clients or the participants of my classes. 

It is such a humbling and connecting experience to be with the parents I support with my belly as round as theirs and my hopes and dreams just as fragile.

The thought of having to take a break from birth support for a while after having my baby fills me with quite a lot of sadness. I try to stay in the moment though and focus on all the things I look forward to.

I am very happy that I will get to teach two more childbirth and postpartum classes in 2022 before my time comes in May.

Also, I am very thankful that I will get to take a postpartum doula training with @mothermoon_doula_muenchen in April and I am open to all the changes that my professional life will undergo in addition to the transformation my personal life will go through.

If you are pregnant in Germany right now and interested in walking some steps on your journey with me by taking a class, you can sign up with the link in my bio.

I would love to hear from the doulas here: how have your own pregnancies affected your work emotionally and practically?

And from all the pregnant people out there: What practice helps you the most these days to find peace and calmness?

#einkindunterdemherzen #doulalove #gratitude #pregnantinmunich #birthmatters #munichdoula #expatsinmunich #ownyourbirth #munichmama #multiculturalmunich #childbirthinternational #doulasinmünchen #internationaldoula #shebirths #birthingfromwithin #livinginmunich #expatlife #munichexpats #münchenistbunt #munichbabies2022 #schwangerinmünchen #childbirthclass #munich
A lot of things changed in the last weeks for me a A lot of things changed in the last weeks for me and my family. We were on a pretty tumultuous journey inward and we had to let a lot of things go: people, jobs and mainly expectations. For a while our cups were pretty empty and I did not feel ready at all to engage with social media. ⁠
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Then we remembered to be grateful for what we have and to follow our desire again. ⁠
Today, I feel like I can start sharing again and that someone out here might benefit from that. ⁠
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A year ago, my husband gifted me "Slow Sex" from Nicole Daedone and I feel like that was a wonderful beginning of a new chapter for us. I still find it hard to talk about certain things, but I don't wait until it hurts anymore before I say something. Sometimes I still find it hard to be friends with my body, but I don't hide anymore. ⁠
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I am grateful for the tools I discovered thanks to the wonderful circles I get to be a part of such as @building_honest_relationships, the mothers moon cirlce by @thewildrootbirth, the New roots program by @impacthubmunich and the one and only VC ❤️⁠
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In the last months I chose love over fear more and more often. I made sure to fill up and give myself time and space to recover and recharge my batteries. Now, I start to feel turn-on flowing again and it feels amazing. ⁠
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What is a desire that you want to follow? And what do you need to make that happen? Maybe the support you need is just around the corner or even here in the comment section 🥰⁠
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#giveyourselfpermissiontofillupfirst #doulalife  #motheringthemother #orgasmicmeditation #VCforever #wherecanyouletgo #chosingloveoverfear⁠
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If you were to have another baby, what would you d If you were to have another baby, what would you do differently during pregnancy? And what would you want to do similarily if you were pregnant again?⁠ ⁠ ⁠
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Since becoming a doula I learned so much from the mothers I supported and the amzing women I got to work with, that I often catch myself thinking: If I were to have another baby, I would love to try that. ⁠ ⁠ ⁠
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The first thing I tell all parents during my childbirth classes is, that I would do much more fun stuff and wellness. I would go to @wiebketanzt_muenchen for pregnancy belly dancing classes. Somehow my heart sings at the thought of a group of big mamas swaying their hips together. I would so love to do that one day 😀⁠ ⁠ ⁠
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Also, I hope that I would treat myself better and shower myself with gifts and compassion. The first time around I wouldn't allow myself to spend money on luxuries like  massages or professional pictures. The second time around I thought I didn't have the time.⁠ ⁠
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If I were to have another baby, I hope I would be wiser. That I would go to @das_kleineparadies and book a Hawaiian pregnancy massage right away. That I would call @doulaheart and beg her to take pictures of my belly. That I would get the money and make the time to mark the occasion. ⁠ ⁠ ⁠
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Pregnancy is such a miraculous time and even though some days feel endless it's over in the blink of an eye. I kept telling myself that pregnancy is just a normal part of life (which it is), that I didn't celebrate it in the way that I wish I would have.⁠ ⁠ ⁠
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There are definetly some things though I would do the same way as before: ⁠ ⁠ ⁠
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I would do pregnancy yoga again preferably with @johannagschwendner. I loved her classes so much and she kept me somewhat agile until a week before my due date ❤️⁠ ⁠ ⁠
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As in my other pregnancies I would continue to eat a plant based - I often see how certain pregnancy issues like heartburn and water retention improve quickly when the mothers cut out animal products from their diet.⁠
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My beloved friend @sasha_kerkmann_hood is moving b My beloved friend @sasha_kerkmann_hood is moving back to the US with her family. My heart is aching and I am smiling. ⁠
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When @darbalina came up with the idea of creating the vulnerabilty circle 18 months ago, I had no clue that it would lead to me falling in love with six incredibly smart, brave and talented women. In the midst of all the chaos and uncertainty that was 2020 I had my coven. It was such a gift to hold space for each other, to witness each other's struggles and victories, to listen and to share.⁠
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Now things are changing again. @oh_elyse moved to another part of Germany (I am still in denial about this) and Sasha is leaving Europe altogether. For a couple of weeks I felt tears welling up every time I thought of her departure. Then at some point my sadness transformed. Now I feel mostly gratitude and peace. ⁠
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Sashi, thank you for bringing so much freedom to my life. You opened my heart and you made me so much braver. You changed my doula identity, my marriage and my idea of friendship for ever. ⁠
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I will terribly miss having you so close and all the little things like⁠
- schorlé⁠
- how almost every but can be an and⁠
- dancing to the backstreet boys at the playground⁠
- evening walks with or without lanterns⁠
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I will miss Amanita's hugs and your big smile. Luckily, there is zoom and I know you will come back regularly. ⁠
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I am so happy for you and Moritz and Ama that you get to create a new home. And I am so happy for the people whose lives you will touch as a friend, a midwife, a coach. I know we will be able to see your light shine from here ❤️⁠
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#vcforever #newbeginnings #iloveyoufriend
Back from vacation with full batteries and ready t Back from vacation with full batteries and ready to get back to work. I get to support four more families this year and I am going to teach two more childbirth and postpartum classes.⁠
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The next one starts September 15, 2021 and there is room for one more couple. If you are pregnant in Munich and still looking for some support and community - just send me a dm.⁠
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The class takes place in a little church in Aubing in a very familiar setting; four couples max. I love getting to know new families and their stories, hear about different traditions and rituals about birth and the postpartum period in different parts of the world.⁠

Picture by @doulaheart
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#lovewhatyoudoula #doulalove #gratitude #pregnantinmunich #birthmatters #munichdoula #expatsinmunich #ownyourbirth #munichmama #multiculturalmunich #childbirthinternational #doulasinmünchen #internationaldoula #shebirths #birthingfromwithin #livinginmunich #expatlife #munichexpats #münchenistbunt #munichbabies2021 #schwangerinmünchen #childbirthclass #munich #Aubing
With our tenth wedding anniversary approaching I a With our tenth wedding anniversary approaching I am thinking a lot about the many women I have been ten years ago and about the many women I am today.

Lots of people tell us that we were really lucky to have found each other, that we cannot imagine how hard relationships can be as we are this "perfect couple". 
I don't even know where to begin in those moments. Obviously, I am very glad that we got together, it had nothing to do with luck or perfection though. 

The first years, even though we were madly in love, were extremely hard. Looking back, I cannot believe we got married despite all the drama. Back at the time there was no doubt in my mind though. I knew I wanted to be with him.

Both of us had had no role model of how a healthy relationship could look like when we were kids. What we had were tons of insecurities and the willingness to overcome them. We were open to do the work and to grow together, even though we weren't yet exactly sure how to.

We got married after a year. On our wedding day I was nervous as hell and until the very last moment I was afraid that he might not show up. I didn't believe that I was truly worthy of love. 

At 27 I was many women. A newlywed with lots of hopes and dreams but little confidence, an overworked PhD student, a daughter who had a really complicated relationship with her mother and on occasion a carefree party girl. In every aspect of my life I was motivated by external factors. What do I have to do to be appreciated? How should I behave to be loved and accepted? Pleasing others cost me any sense of authenticity. 

Today, at 37 I multiplied myself even more. Luckily, I left some of the old versions behind. What I love so much about the new me's is that they are driven by internal factors on most days. What kind of mother/wife/doula do I wanna be today? It feels so exciting. Life tastes so much better that way.

Continued in the comments
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Doula | Germany | CB classes
It is really hard to wrap my head around the fact It is really hard to wrap my head around the fact that I will get to hold a real baby again soon. Not a plastic one and not a baby I get to hold for a couple of minutes during a postpartum visit, but my baby. It feels totally surreal.

Most of the time the predominant feeling is gratitude. At other times I feel anxious. How will the arrival of this child change my life? How will it affect my older children, my marriage, my work? How will it change me?

And then I think of the last two times we became parents. How our daughters enriched our world. They were and still are my teachers making all the areas I need to work on really obvious, showing me what it means to be authentic.

I am so thankful that, on top of the babymoon with my husband, I also got to spend one special day with each of my children last week. Just following their lead felt so lovely. Not needing to go or be anywhere than in the moment with them. I felt honored that they would share their thoughts with me, their dreams and also their worries. 

There is this Maya Angelou quote I really love: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." 

I have a ton of regrets when I think about the many "mistakes" I made with my children, especially in the first years of parenting. And then I am just grateful for the people, the books, the podcasts that helped me find new ways and do better. Not only for my kids but for myself. Which ends up being the same thing, right? When we feel fulfilled as people, we are also happier mothers and more affectionate partners.

My self-talk is still far from loving on many occasion (for example after almost setting my dear friends' house on fire), but it is better than it has ever been. And every time I look at my children or my big belly, I feel propelled to really love myself better every day. One tiny step at a time.

Picture by @doulaheart 

#onestepatatime #thirdchild #doulalove #gratitude #pregnantingermany #birthmatters #childbirthinternational #internationaldoula #mayaangelou #childbirthclass #fulfilledwomen #39weeks
I did it!!!!!!!!! I just pushed the "Publish" butt I did it!!!!!!!!! I just pushed the "Publish" button on my online video childbirth and postpartum course for international families in Germany. 🥳🤩😇⁠
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My whole body is trembling from excitement and exhaustion. I do not think I would have taken this project on this late in my pregnancy if I would have understood the magnitude of it 🙃⁠
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I recorded, cut and edited 144 little clips which adds up to more than 8 hours of video content about pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period. I covered all the topics I also cover during my live childbirth classes, answered the most frequently asked questions and added checklists, visuals and links to a plethora of ressources.⁠

Is it perfect? No. Did I give it my all? 100%!
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In February, I thought that the recording part would be the hardest, but after creating 144 thumbnails for the videos I am not so sure anymore 😄⁠
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I am just so so happy that this is done. I can focus on my own upcoming birth now, knowing that parents who want my input and guidance have access to my class now, even if I will be busy breastfeeding 😊⁠
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I am so thankful for all the people who supported me during this journey. I am so grateful to my husband who took care of our children while I was totally absorbed with my work, to @douladarby who got me into teaching childbirth classes in the first place, to all the families that came to my classes and broadened my horizons with their stories and their questions and my beautiful friends who encouraged and believed in me. #VCforever ⁠
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I am also very thankful to @impacthubmunich, @nichole_joy__ and @lawofattractionchangedmylife who all played an important part in the genesis of this project.⁠
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As mother's day is approaching (in Germany it's on the 8th of May this year) as quickly as my due date, I offer all interested parents a 20% discount until then. The coupon code is: MOTHERSDAY22⁠
You find the link to my course in my bio 💖⁠
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#theonething #itisdone #podia #childbirthandpostpartumclass #expatsingermany #doulalove #gratitude #pregnantingermany #birthmatters #childbirthinternational  #internationaldoula #schwangerinmünchen #childbirthclass #pregnantin2022 #mothersday #ididit
The last months have been such a whirlwind that I The last months have been such a whirlwind that I cannot wait to finally catch a breath and really let the reality of my upcoming birth sink in. Some of you asked me if I managed to do all the things I professed doing if I were to have another child. The answer is yes and no.⁠
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I was lucky enough to engage the same midwife that was also there for the homebirth of my second daughter. It was such an emotional moment for me when she walked in the door for our first prenatal and my 4 year old felt immediately drawn to her. Having my family around me for most of the check-ups felt like a true blessing and my heart was bleeding again for all the mothers who had to go through nerve-wrecking check-ups on their own over the last two years.⁠
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Also, I did start bellydancing with @wiebketanzt_muenchen, which keeps being a real treat. After every class my body feels stronger and smoother at the same time. The swaying movements feel familiar and intuitive for birth and I am curious to see which ones will make it to my birth experience.⁠
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My partner and I had the most beautiful babymoon in Garmisch last week and that felt like heaven. Being in this beautiful scenery, walking through nature, laughing, eating and resting together - it was more than I could have ever imagined. We did our homework and decided on names and we just enjoyed each other's company and felt overwhelming gratitude for the bond that we share.⁠
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I did not however move my body as much as I would have needed, I didn't eat as well as I hoped and first and foremost, I didn't pay this pregnancy a whole lot of attention. As I was still supporting births until March and tought classes until Easter, my focus was more on other people's journey than on my own.

continued in the comments
Not a day goes by that doesn't leave me feel torn Not a day goes by that doesn't leave me feel torn between all the things I would like to do. Between my family, my work, my personal needs, my relationships and everyday admin and chores there never seem to be enough hours in the day. 

Throw in late pregnancy and 14 days of quarantine and you can tell what March looked like in our house. 

I felt so frustrated about the forced break, as I had just finished recording my video class. There was the pressure to get to the editing part as the due date of our third baby seemed to be approaching at light speed.

And then I let go, realising that getting healthy and making it through two weeks of isolating at home with two very energetic children, had to be my top priority. What helped keeping me sane, was the book we read with @francescaamber 's book club that particular month: The One Thing by Gary Keller.

It resonated with me on so many levels and once April came around and we were all helathy and free again, I was eager to implement the lessons that sticked with me the most.

The author suggests that the way to get the most out of your work and your life is to go as small as possible. What is your one thing you want to achieve today/ this week/ this month or this year. Keller asserts that our work life is divided into two distinct areas – what matters most and everything else. And until your one thing is done, everything else is a distraction. For me it felt so freeing to boil it down to just one thing a day that was my priority instead of attending to everything, and not finishing anything.

However, "work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls– family, health, friends, integrity– are made of glass."

So when I got my notebook out to plan for April, I marked all the days I wanted to take off work first. I planned for time with my children, my husband, me time and time with friends. It felt so good to see all those islands of connection and recreation distributed all over the month.
I cannot believe that I made it through this week. I cannot believe that I made it through this week. It was for sure one of the most challenging weeks I had in a long time. While the world is in turmoil again, I buried myself in work.⁠
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I took the week off to finally record a video version of my childbirth and postpartum class which I wanted to do for almost a year. There were so many things holding me back.⁠
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I just get awkward when a camera is directed at me. I didn't know how to do the lighting or what microphone to use. I had no idea how to make enough space in my appartment to set up an amateur recording studio while my children were running around. I didn't even know how to properly put on make up or what to wear 😄 First and foremost I didn't believe that I would find the energy and the discipline inside myself to see that project through.⁠
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The only thing I knew is what I wanted to say, what I want the parents who come to me to take away from my classes. And I knew that I had a deadline. I am 29 weeks pregnant today and I feel my body getting heavier and slower by the day. ⁠
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The week started rough with my daughter not being able to go to daycare on Monday. A doctor's appointment that stole half my morning on Tuesday. On Wednesday the last mother I was supporting informed me that her waters broke. Thursday I got to be there for the birth of her precious son. The birth was beautiful, but afterwards there were scary complications that left their mark on my spirit. Then I experienced really intense challenges in personal relationships and there were moments in which I didn't believe I could finish what I started.⁠
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continued in comments below
The Magical To-Do-List is another exercise I wante The Magical To-Do-List is another exercise I wanted to share after doing the Magic, as I enjoyed it so much. 
On day 18, you basically write down a list of things you wish somebody else would do or solve for you and then lean on gratitude even more to help you with those things.

It can be anything from mundane tasks to "I need my day to have 35 hours". You won't know how it will happen or how those things will be done for you. Your only job is to be as grateful as you can be for what you want done, as though it were done already. 

My list had a lot of things that have to do with work. First of all my laptop microphone stopped working about a week before. I literally tried everything, watched 100 youtube tutorials, got really intimate with all the different settings, installed new drivers and so on. Nothing worked and I was about to loose my mind every time I had to enter a zoom meeting with two devices so people could hear me. Admittedly, a tiny first world problem, that did cost me a lot of time and nerves though. So, it ended up being the first thing on my magical to do list. 

And guess what. The next time I entered a meeting and was about to signal my conversation partners that I need another minute so I can also join with my phone, they laughed and told me: We can hear you very clearly. 😃

I was stunned and just so glad. I don't know how it happened, and I didn't care. I was just so thankful that I could make myself heard again 😇

The next things on my list were 
◾ finding an easy bookkeeping tool 
◾ getting at least for couples for my March/April childbirth class
◾ record my video childbirth and postpartum class

Two days later, a dear friend suggested wave for bookkeeping and I love it. It makes my life so much easier. 💖

And another week later I had six couples registering for my Spring class, which makes me so happy 🥰 I am so sad to take a break from in person classes for a while when the baby comes, so it fills my heart with lots of joy to know that I get to support at least six more families in March/April. 

#gratitude #magicaltodolist #themagic #doulalove #help #bookkeeping #childbirthclass #expatsinmunich #pregnantinmunich #munichbabies2022
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